Listening – The basis for communication
Listening is the # 1 communication skill for leadership, sales, customer service and even romance! The problem is that most people are not listening very well. We are not trained to listen, and we do not know that listening is a skill. People have lost jobs, customers, employees, and relationships because they are unable to listen. In this issue we look at how we can become a better listener.
Silence is Peace
Sheng jen is the Chinese word for the wise man. Usually, it means "who is listening". Joanna Rogers Macy, peace activist, said that listening is "the most powerful tool in peace-building and any other social change." What would happen if students, teachers and parents really listened to Columbine? Someone missed the indication of suffering that the two young murderers had sent.
When I was a voluntary suicide crisis, I was taught that we were serious about taking all the suicide threats. How often did we say to young people, "You are too young to be miserable." Or "You just go through a phase." Suicide turned against me. How did we miss their anger? Why did not they take it seriously? It is a mistake to talk, to advise and to debate in place of silence. There is no need for words of wisdom. We just have to have an ear. Most people can solve their own problems. They just want to hear it. Take my friend's case. He has a problem he wanted to talk to. I listened to thinking of the alternatives and discussing how she felt. He made a decision. He thanked him for helping him decide. I never did anything. He did everything. I just listened. Sometimes all you have to do is be. To be there. Be present to another.
Savage Beast Soothing
Did you know that speech actually reduces stress and anxiety? That's right. Talking, confessing that you will take it off your chest, you will feel that the weight has been lifted. But if people are jumping in their own opinion, man will never have the opportunity to breathe and continue anxiety.
Let's look at customers. Customers may be outsiders who pay for us, or there may be people we serve internally – staff and other departments.
If the customer is irony, why does not the person relax when he provides a solution? Because the client is in emotional state. Solutions or problem solving are intellectual exercises. The person is not there yet. You need to have the minds met to reassure your emotions. Learn the feeling! – I understand why you're nervous. "It had to be so frustrating for an hour waiting line." Unless you know the feeling, the conversation is nowhere to go. People need to be heard. This is a kind of validation. Respect for feeling does not mean that you agree with your opinion. That means you understand.
Communication stops when people ignore what they hear. The body is not lying. Visual communication is more than half of the message. When you hear a mixed message, this is because you give too much energy to the spoken word. Watch the body language for the real message and tune the tone of the voice. People are hiding the words. What words cover the body. If a client or co-worker says "No problem," and does not make eye contact, confused and painful, does not trust the message.
What are your most beautiful memories as a child? Is this the person who bought expensive gifts or the person who told you the stories? In our materialist society, we think that providing physical needs is a measure of success. We do two and three jobs to give children "what ever was". In frenzy, we can abduct the riches we were in – time and attention. I've never heard anyone accuse too much. When I was an adolescent, I could voice and talk to Aunt Gloria. We never condemned it. So he took all of his deceased and nephew's trust.
Listening is a spiritual act. You have to suspend your own ego to actually listen to another. Listening is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the other. He keeps our whole life in our hearts.
Listening to Us
While we are busy trying to listen to others, how well are we listening to ourselves? How do we really feel about the client, accept the new job and leave with my friend? We do not take enough time to listen to ourselves. What does your body say? According to Louise Hay, the author can cure your life, the body issues messages. Different parts of the body signal different questions in your life.
You get a lot of colds? There is too much going on. Slow down and smell the roses. Lower Back Pain? You can not feel yourself in the absence of financial support. The problems of money need to be solved. In order to better listen to the attention of others, we need to listen to our intuition. Meditation is a form of self-listening. Is your head crowded with the mind swirling? Does TV go on continuously? You can not hear internal messages unless you have a quiet time.
Tips for Listening Right
o Take all the threats seriously. Listen when people talk about themselves or about others.
o Be present. Let the people talk. Discussion alleviates anxiety
o Respect the feelings. You may disagree but acknowledge the rights of your feelings. Empathizing reassures the envy.
o Let's believe the visual message over the words. The big lie detector is the body. Enter the nonverbal and hear the real message.
o Trust the intuition. Take time to meditate. One day a week, during a lunch, sit under a tree or go to yourself in a room and tune into your thoughts and body. Your mind is silent. If you get an "intestinal feeling," do not dismiss it.
o Listen to the kids. Spend time on their thoughts, dreams, their worries and their success. They are our future.
We practice the shen jen. Be a wise man. Pay attention.
Copyright Diane DiResta 2001. All Rights Reserved.