Roaming Fingers – The story of child sexual abuse
We all have our "story" to tell the growth of our lives. Some had a good time in the loving childhood in which my mom had a home made home baked cakes as they came to school, set clean clothes for the next day and dined at the stove. Fathers went home, everyone was sitting at the table and enjoyed the food the mother had prepared and then the kids could tell their dad the day when dinner was cleaned. Some were encouraged by the parents, helping them home after dinner, and enjoyed spending the next day with the kids. You know, one of those "Leave It To Beaver" families. Then there were those who for some reason were minus one parent … usually divorce or death. Or what about those who lived in alcoholic or drug-dependent parents who were not "parents" at all. Their children were basically alone, raising themselves and making themselves and making the most of their use.
I do not know why I share this now. I just feel that someone is out there to know you're not alone. To live a normal life. I molested 4 people in the age group 8-14. But the Lord God, I myself have guided everything. I cleaned and cleaned with the blood of the Lord. I do not have to live in my life anymore for my wrath to take care of me anymore.
I was one of the kids who had my "unique" circumstances in adulthood. My parents were divorced when I was 7 years old, although my father moved to 5 years of age. I was the oldest of us. We moved to a small town to get closer to my grandparents, my mother's parents. We moved to Denver, CO from the largest metropolis of Julesburg, CO to a small town. First, when I was younger, I made my life-long friend with my daughter, who lived across the street from her grandparent's house. This was before the second-grade school year. From time to time, our life seemed a bit "normal" in the dolls' play or pretended to be a teacher at school or the construction of a bastard producer …
But in my life, there's been a lot of things that made me who I am today. I can not begin to say what my life and justice did! I can tell so many stories for you! At one of the 27 places I moved and lived from 7 to 18 years of age. I went to 11 schools for 12 years. I think that we are moving so often with us, I remembered with myself that "it's better to make your friends fast because I'm sure we're moving and I have to go." I think my sister took the theory of "why it disturbs the friendship, because otherwise we are going." And my brother, a boy, while I was a friend, was not so big of the deal and it was a fairly easy friendship, but it's not such a big question as our daughters.
When I was eight, my mother started a Japanese farmer in our area and soon began to deal with Kinoshita's name. As you can imagine, our three kids had quite entertained that name at that time, deliberately declaring Kin-O-Shit-A. It's average, is not it? Well, this is the first time I sexually molested. After dinner, my mother would go to the kitchen to wash the food in her house and our 3 kids and her boyfriend lay on the floor watching a TV. Well, my fiance "rubs my belly" with this time. "Now I was eight, so after the dinner I wanted to rub the tube I felt very strange to me, but I thought, okay, I think if that is normal, it felt uncomfortable, but my mother she said she was just trying to be okay … Okay, so beautiful … I guess? But those blooms rub, they've become "roaming fingers," and getting a little higher and a little higher .. Soon my belly becomes rubbing, I was just beginning to develop, but it was still enough that it was incredibly uncomfortable. My mother said she really wanted this marriage because she was financially good and every night that this was going on, I tried to keep my homework we had to lie down on the floor and watch the TV, but one or another of the ways she took me and my mom repeatedly told us she did not want this the relationship is disrupting the kids. So I closed my mouth until I was out of school at home from school sometime. She went home and talked to her mother. I did not know what they were talking about because their parents spoke only Spanish, so I did not think much. But her mother, after hearing what was going on here, assured me that they were with me and that was something I should have spoken to my mother right away. So with both my friend and mother, they both sat there, called my mom and told him what had happened. I do not know how much I really told my mother about her new fiancé, but I know she broke up with her. At the same time, my friend's mother suggested that she go to the police, but my mom said she did not need to call the police because she was "so rich that she could be the owner of the city so nobody would believe it.
Then my mom found a younger guy who could come in the morning and stay with us when he got off at the truck stop at 6 o'clock and he started at 6:00 am she works for the whole night shift and will stay with our three children each day as our "babysitter." Oh, it was fun to have breakfast, take us to school or to play in the playground and chase us around the house. But when he came in the morning every morning, instead of going to my mother's empty bed to sleep a little, he also climbed into my bed with me. the "roaming fingers." Apart from these times, these fingers climb up and down. I was 9 and was 21 years old. What was that tempting at that time? I did not even develop physically for the sake of goodness !!! Anyway, it took weeks. I told my mother, but she thought that since she was with her ex-bridegroom, "then I have to do something to encourage these guys." So even though he did not listen to us, I remember I was dead. I did. I could not help myself. I just wanted her dead so she could never do that again! A few months later, while working at the electrical company, her partner decided to start drinking beer in the lunch break. Well Curtis climbed the pole to work on a particular wire that caused them trouble and suffered an electric shock. The pole fell, his partner was drinking, was not sufficiently functional to provide oral resuscitation. I knew I was doing everything. I prayed and asked him to die, and he did. You know, I was all wrong … I wished and I prayed for it. I knew this was my fault. I felt this guilty thing many years later. Someone was dead and this was my fault.
Then we had a family friend with whom we had been friends with him and his wife years ago. In fact, most of us loved to go to their house. It was like an adopted mother for kids and we could win her husband to play games with us, tell us tales, etc. You would have heard that you could sit back from Dr. Seuss books! It was a rebellion! And that was a tongue wrench that read it back, not to mention it read. And for a long time, we wanted him to cheat for asking Big Mac in Burger King! So, I do not have to say, they often go to their house. Generally, however, I got the big bed with her wife, because we'd always gone to bed much earlier than she and she slept in the bedroom or in the bedroom. His wife usually sent me to wake up when the time came for us to get up every morning. Then the roaming "roaming fingers" are resumed. I was in the 10-12 year old age most of the time. But without telling my mother (keep in mind that she last decided that I should be tempted by these "men") to be sure enough to me and I was once again wrong.
Over time we moved again as before, so we did not see them as often as before. It was at the beginning of the eighth grade, so there was a school in Jr. High and we suddenly left the CO and went to good oI. My mom broke up with a lorryman with whom he was dating, a real walnut guy who set candles in a circle around our cellar and called for the Mojave Dessert. So, as we got home from school on that day, we only bought some of our less important property (and very few) and our cats and loaded a small U-trailer. where there is no special attention. My mother suggested IA so we went to West. We were in Council Bluffs and without money. So we stayed here.
Of course, we moved to school again on the eleventh time and started another school in Council Bluffs while a double room, a bathroom, a crock pot to cook and three cats. We started a school but were "poor kids" and they did not fit well. But we moved again. This time it was a good thing. I started in class 9, but in a completely different school. This school was much better, more acceptable, far less judgmental and critical, and we were not treated as "low-grade scum" here.
Finally I was 14 years old. Last year, before I started high school. I was so excited! Finally I grew up, I started wearing makeup, tied my hair and thought about the big word "B" BOYS !!! We lived in a house close to the school, so it was on foot. My mom works again in one of the nearby trucks. But the money was tight, so my mom brought the truck driver home to help us with the payment of the bills. Well, this guy was 28 years old. My mother worked the whole night shift at the truck stop, and Terry is home at most nights and runs most days. Well Terry really liked me right away. Look, I just turned around. My sister and I shared a bedroom with my brother on the left side and Sue's room on the corridor (a girl / lady from the early 20's from Indiana) Terry found a day out for a trip outside the city and took home to our house to stay with us. So, that was another person who helped with paying the bills. But to get to the bathroom, we had to walk through a small corridor and go over to Sue's room to get there. Then the bathroom was to the left, and then Terry's bedroom was right. My mother's room was on the ground floor. There was a second door between the bathroom and Terry's bedroom. The door was closed from Terry's room, but not from his room to the bathroom. Well at night, when Terry thought that all of them had slept in bed, he entered my room, and once more, the newer guys started to travel to the notorious roaming fingers. He came in, with condoms, ready for what I think he hoped. She asks me to make something "sexy". There was nothing "sexy" because I was fourteen and the "sexy" was not what I thought in my life. Heck, I just got the makeup to look good in the morning, and before my hair bends, the school is as "sexy" as it gets. His fingers rushed to places I did not know existed. I prayed, "Please, Lord, let me think I'm really sleepy and I'm leaving tonight." Or I would pray, "Please, sir, let my sister wake up to give you enough sound or something to go with and leave me alone." He never got to the stage where I actually forced the whole sex on me, but after that night we went through this rite. He went back to his room at night and, crying with disgust, I slept to sleep. At night, I wanted my sister to just NEVER, only once. But it never seemed or I thought many years later when I learned that he was afraid to let us know he was awake because he was afraid of coming next. I do not blame it therefore. I would have liked to be left alone, but that was not the case.
Well one day Sue asked me to walk with her to talk. So, yes. She began to tell me that Terry comes into her room almost every night and asks her to "do something sexy" and "roaming her fingers" start to roam her. everybody came out … I broke out what I did to him. I pray and begged him not to tell my mom, because my mom would say, "I have to do something like this." My fault, Well Sue, knowing how young I am, finally telling my mother that eventually … So my mother went to Terry and told her that she did this to me because she "loved me so much that she could not resist being loved to love me. "Well, my mom told him to pack up and go out of our house. We went to my mother's house for a few days for a vacation, and someone needed to have a home and take care of pets so we stayed there for 3 nights and 4 days. Sue and I felt such a big peace that he was gone. Then one day, about a week later, my mom said he had to go to the truck to stop because Terry wanted to talk to him for something. So when he left, he left for several hours. When he came back he said that Terry had convinced him that he did what he did "because he loved me" and said that this was a small price because he offered to So he let us go back to our house. In the first or two weeks he was very polite, he took the chairs for me when we sat down on the table, and and I insisted on going to school to lose it every day to "let people know that I was her. "At this point I tried to convince myself that it was okay, maybe he really loved me and that I was proud and flattered that someone I loved about 28 years was a 14 year old teenager
Well, a couple of weeks passed, and things went back as they were.My mom worked all night and Terry came back to my room again with the condom in her hand and the roaming fingers started to jump up and down again The words she spoke were sick And every night she was the same, I would sadly cry to myself because I could not deal with this age and should have been having fun in school, expecting secondary school, dances, sports events, etc. But I would rather not see the future. I knew my mother wanted and needed the money, but I could not pretend to be okay. If it were not for me that the Lord placed in my path a certain girl at school who was quickly becoming the best friends and my Scientific Teacher I will never forget and always grateful maybe I ended up there. But God obviously had other plans for me. Just when I thought she left me alone, she served me with a friend and a man who was not just my teacher, but the one who really cared for me who knew that something awful home gave me sympathy, extra time when I could not concentrate on my assignments and someone who could laugh. I needed it. It made me hope that ALL men did not just want sex. Older people were not all perverted, and that God placed my life in my life as my teacher only in my life with time.
Today by the grace of God, through forgiveness and compassion, the blood of the lamb is forgiven me, the Lord Jesus himself. The person who died on the cross many years ago to have eternal life. The one who pulled it out of the darkness and returned to the light. The one who took all the pain and mistrust in the people. I thank him for having suffered in those terrible times, I came to know that it was not my fault that the only guy was hit and died. The fact that NOT the thing these four men did to me during my childhood was my fault. My mom still says, "If it really happened to Kelly, then I guess." If these things happened, why not? "It's no question that these things happened to me!" My sister once told her she knew fact, because most of the time I was in the same bed because I was almost always sharing a bedroom in adulthood I no longer expected my mother to take any responsibility for what I had gone through now I know I know I have to forgive him for forgiving Christ for my sins. But in fact, and by the grace of God alone, I am still here today. My prayer that perhaps this testimony will help someone who did something similar or even worse that there is hope in Jesus Christ. It's not your fault, give it to HIM as its shoulders are strong enough to take away from you and let it walk freely in your love.
evasion has been changed to protect the affected.