The danger of peace – moms at work
We all know the term "war monger," but what is the "peace-maker"? How can something "beautiful" like peace associate with a nasty expression like "monger"?
Well, I'd like to say I set up the phrase, but unfortunately I did not. According to Edwin Friedman, the "peace conveyor" …
"… is a highly risky risk-taker who is more affected by good feelings than progression, someone whose consensus axis revolves around his or her life , an audience who is unable to make well-defined stocks that seems to be a genetic of his "disability", someone behaves as if he were the backbone, someone who perceives conflicts or anxiety like mustard gas – one of the stinging, the emotional gas mask it goes well and looks very good if it is not charming " (19459004) Nervous: Leadership in Fast Fix, Edwin Friedman, Seabury Books, 1996).
If you do this, it does not sound too attractive, do you? Although peace-makers may appear to be at work at work against negativity, volatility and reactivity, their efforts are in fact very reactive . And we need to ask: what are the costs for you and your organization to keep the peace? What kind of harsh discussions are postponed – individuals and organizations really involved – for the sake of temporary peace of mind?
In fact, it is one of the pain thresholds. By that I mean a relative ability to tolerate pain in someone else (not in a Sadistic manner) and the amount that someone else's pain determines for their own pain level. Huh?
Think of it like this: Bill is intimidated by his boss. She tells Glenda how intimidated he is, obviously, forced out of her and loses her sleep, hair and appetite. Something must happen to change things and there are many possibilities. Absorb. When Tott stops. He could pray that your boss would go on. He could work for self-confidence, or in a healthier sense of his own competence. You can have a hard conversation with your boss.
Or … you say, Glenda is a peace adviser … you have let her have a pain and take care of him. Why would he do that? Because the threshold of pain is low and should be reduced at any cost. Glenda, therefore, will do something to put pain in Bill (and even before her own pain). It may be a joke at the right time. You can talk to Bill what he can do until he finally let it go and select one. You might skip the level and tell Bill your boss somebody higher. You might have a hard conversation with the boss in Bill's name. You may do a lot of things – all with the intention of reducing Bill's pain and therefore his own.
In the meantime, who will benefit from Glenda's peace planning? The boss? Invoice? Glenda? Others who can deal with the same issues? If you follow me, all of the above will be "no" (except for very unbridled immunity from pain, whose return is inevitable).
There are no shortcuts as an alternative to the Peace Maker, but Bill and / or Glenda can do a good job of choosing a different way. The behavior of a person does not determine the path of Bill or Glenda – unless they leave it.
Much of the good work is the process of self-definition. Knowing who you are and what you think has the only major impact on your ability not to worry about who else can exclude yourself or increase the pain threshold among those who are not well-defined.
A great trainer will help you to define yourself better. An independent person who can quit outside the emotional atmosphere of the workplace – while maintaining contact with those still in it – a leader appears in the environment regardless of whether or not the org chart is displayed.